sheldrake

500-year-old toilet - tank won't stop filling up, leaks inside and out. Is vile.
Bedroom window - slowly rotting away, lets in draughts and rain, afraid glass may fall out and kill someone.
Kitchen floor - hideous 70s lino, oddly joined, impossible to clean, badly needs replacing.
Kitchen cabinets - none of the doors fit. I had to glue some of them back together when I moved in.
Bathroom - carpeted. With ordinary carpet.
Hot water - too hot to wash hands or dishes without nasty scalding accident. Apparently non-adjustable.
Fridge - will not go cold enough, occasionally defrosts itself in the middle of the night.
Doorbell - only works intermittently, and then only emits quiet whirring sound.
Phone - goes straight to voicemail whenever it feels like it.
Neighbours in other flats - may be dead. Certainly can't manage to put the wheelie bins back after bin day, or understand how the recycling works.
Previous tenants - still receiving more post than me.
People next door - appear to have stolen my Tesco books delivery.
Living room furniture - incredibly uncomfortable.
Freeview TV - does not pick up Channel 4, but does offer me the entire range of shopping channels.
Landlord - never answers phone.

Still - at least the internet works!

ETA: I just wanted to point out that I do actually quite like my flat, apart from all of the above.