A public service announcement

[tadorna]

Hello. Sorry I haven't posted for ages. I kept thinking I ought to post about this before I started on any of the usual waffle and fluff, and I've been putting it off because it's not something I particularly want to talk about or expend any more energy on. But it's been bothering me that there might be people who don't know about this, and who deserve to, and a public post seemed the best way to stop that from happening. A heads-up, if you will. I've thought about it, and discussed it with a friend, and I see no reason why this shouldn't be made known publicly. If there is a good reason I'm not aware of, then of course let me know.

So, this will mainly affect people who were around in the Lotrips fandom of olden times. I recently found out (from a friend on the flist, who found out from someone on her flist, etc etc) that Kia Bright, known on LJ as hjartad and then punkmeanscuddle, did not, as we were led to believe, die in 2005 from heart failure/suicide. She actually faked her own death, and is still alive. I don't know how it all came to light, but it seems pretty definite that this is the case. It seems she's still in the same job, and may have accounts at Twitter and Last.fm. Like I say, I know little else in the way of details, but feel free to email me about it if you want to.

The awful thing about cases like this (one of the awful things) is that they leave you feeling a fool. You've been duped, and you feel (however unjustifiably) that everybody else must have known and not told you. I have no idea, really, how widespread this knowledge is, but I spoke to at least one person who didn't know and was shocked to find out. And, you know... there are lots of people I like and respect around these parts, and who deserve better than the lie we were unfortunately being fed for the last few years. (Absolutely no judgement intended on anyone who didn't want to post about it, I nearly didn't myself). So, um -- if you already knew... as you were, and if you didn't, I'm really sorry to be the bearer of ugly news. Oh, and apologies to the many people to whom this will mean nothing at all -- permission to scroll on by!

Right. I shall now move on, and get back to the waffle and fluff you love so much and tolerate so kindly.

Comments

[kiltsandlollies.livejournal.com]

Hi, hello, here via friendsfriends. As some people here will know/might expect to know, I've known about Kia's faking her death for some time, as have several others. I don't think anyone particularly thought it was their story to tell—I know I didn't—because we didn't do the groundwork to uncover what she'd done, and in my personal case, because of my last interactions with her over the weeks before her pseucide, I was under no illusion that I would be believed if I'd said anything much earlier than now. People were incredibly hurt first by her alleged death, and then much later by the uncovering of all of this, and honestly I'm surprised by how many people still weren't aware of what shed done. I very much hoped this would all sort of Go Away, and she'd be forgotten and unable to continue hurting people, but that was clearly never going to be a good answer. I'm very glad you posted this, because maybe it will provide closure—I hate that word and its implications, but I'm hoping you understand why I went for that easy choice of words—to those who were still mourning her, once they are able to move past their very, very legitimate anger. No one who knew was ever looking forward to all of it coming out, and certainly no one was looking for "warm fuzzies" or anything else for having kept it to themselves. I'm very much of the mind that any putting on of the mourning brakes would have been incredibly unwelcomed, shouted down, etc., especially if it had been attempted without reams of proof being presented, and no one was in possession of all or enough proof that Kia had faked her death until fairly recently.

Many, many people tried to be Kia's friend, to help her on every possible level, especially mental, emotional, and financial. As I told elouisa, we'd done nothing but ask her to be honest in her dealings with people and get help for herself, because she was draining us and then slamming the door in our faces. She became incredibly toxic. She played every single person she encountered through Lotrips on so many of those levels, and walked away the martyr. Clearly there are still people deeply affected by her and what she meant to them, and what they thought they meant to her. Which is not to say I'm surprised by the hits she's taking here now in these comments—they're very much deserved. Yes, she was/perhaps is deeply unwell, but she's also a manipulative, unkind, narcissistic person who spent most of her Lotrips fandom time deeply in denial and prepared to say or do anything to retain her standing—anything but offer the truth about herself. Evidently it became too much for her when she discovered she'd become too much for nearly all of the people who'd tried to support her. I firmly believed she could not have been more delighted than over the first few months after her pseucide, reading all those messages of goodbye. She was in faked death as sloppy as she was in true life, however, and it caught up to her.

As I said, I'm glad you posted this. The more people know now, the better, obviously.

[azewewish.livejournal.com]

I have to say, I really wish some of you would have said something earlier. Your or Molly or someone, rather than perpetuating a lie for years on end.

I had a lot of dealings with Kia back in the day & yeah, she was a world-class drama queen, but I really did mourn her "death", as I would anyone's. I hate to think that I spent 4 years also in a lie.

[ipso--facto.livejournal.com]

B, as I said in my own comment below, I realize that I can't tell you how to feel, but I don't think it's at all fair or productive in any way to direct anger at those who knew and didn't say anything. And I say that as someone who considers herself fairly close to some of the interested parties, including Kia. Kia's decisions were her own and even if they were hurtful to others, as her former friends, I think these people were right to respect her wishes to disappear and their own hopes that the situation would eventually as well. Who knows what further psychological damage this thing coming to light could have inflicted that close to the event on someone who was obviously already unstable. It wasn't their lie, it wasn't their place, and it certainly was not their responsibility to share with fandom at large. Be as angry as you want, absolutely, but the ultimate guilty party here is Kia.

[azewewish.livejournal.com]

Oh, trust me, I am directing ALL of my anger at Kia. She abused the trust of so many people, and made all of us who thought we were her friends into fools.

But I am very disappointed and hurt that the people who knew - not suspected, but knew - for years didn't step up and say something. Because, honestly, I don't care about Kia's wish to disappear, I care that she hurt a lot of people with her selfishness, and perpetuating a lie doesn't make things better for anyone. We all thought she was dead. We mourned her. I would much rather have known this wasn't the truth years ago.

I'm sure that, just like everything, time will go some way towards healing the wounds that this situation caused. But I'm going to need it, and I feel certain a lot of other people will as well.

[sheldrake.livejournal.com]

Hi, thanks for commenting. Like I said, I don't want to judge anyone for the decisions they've made, although I understand why people are upset. It's such an impossible situation (which Kia put us in) and I nearly didn't post about it either. I wanted to have as little to do with it as possible, in some ways, I didn't want to think about it or talk about it, I just wanted to move on. But I really believe that things swept under the carpet have a habit of festering, so I decided to post. I hope it was the right decision.