sheldrake

THINGS!

1. I am moving house out of my flat and into a real live house at the end of the month. Hoorah!
2. I am enjoying my four-day week.
3. I liked the new Star Trek film lots! Spock is adorable now he's not a serial killer.*
4. I went to see The Sixteen in Bury St Edmunds cathedral, singing Purcell and James McMillan -- they were really wonderful.
5. Ok, you win. I'm on Dreamwidth as tadorna (my Latin name dontcha know), but I haven't really bothered to do anything with it or seek people out or anything basically.

Ok, I think the numbers are intimidating me, and also I have been corrupted by Twitter. I keep wanting to express every thought in 140 characters. Ummmm, what else? I've been feeling pretty good lately. Work is still all a bit up in the air and not great. I need to do more exercise, eat more healthily and do more work. I'm trying to get back into the creative groove, to spend more time making and doing. Not that there's anything intrinsically wrong with reading and watching stuff and noodling around on the internet. But, just for myself, I could be doing more, and I feel it would be a shame if I didn't. I don't actually include knitting in the things I ought to be doing. It is creative, but in a different way -- I love doing it, but it's a hobby. That only applies to me, though. Singing is the same, and sewing. For me, these are hobbies, because I enjoy doing them, but they're not really my 'thing' -- I'm an extremely average knitter and singer. Writing and making... other stuff -- that's work. But work in the good way, not as in my job. That's work in the bad or at least necessary evil way. If you're somebody who 'makes work', sometimes you can allow 'going to work' to prevent you from doing your real work. *ties self in knots*

Sorry, that was really convoluted. So yes, mainly I'm concentrating on taking pleasure in small things, and making a start on doing more good stuff (although I've got distracted by this moving business now).

Anyway, have I ever mentioned my damn annoying social phobia? It trips me up sometimes, and makes me worry a lot more than I really need to. I had to go to a social event with work the other day, and it made me very anxious and left me feeling low, although I made my excuses and went home pretty early. I got my hair cut the other day too, and I always hate that -- I find small talk really difficult. I can't help subjecting myself to an in-depth analysis of my 'performance' as a human being, and the conclusion is always that I have failed miserably. I am of course aware that this is unnecessary and I am much better at all this than I used to be. I do try quite hard. I'm also aware that lots of other people feel shy or out of place at times -- but this is a particular problem for me, and affects my life hugely. It has done for as long as I can remember, and is probably at the root of my problems with depression in the past. It hasn't gone away, but I think what I've come to realise is that it can be battled with. It doesn't always have to force me under. Life's just too damn short, basically.

Er, yeah, anyway. Dunno why I felt the need to go on about that suddenly, it's just stuff I've been thinking about. Have some random photos!

*This is a casting reference. There is no Spock-is-an-ex-serial killer plotline in the film, don't worry.



Here I am in 1977, 'hanging out the washing' in Grandma's garden in Palmers Green.



I found this in my mum's house -- a letter from Blue Peter OMG! I do wonder what happened to my runner's up competition badge.



This is me when I was an art student, with my Art. Oh yes. (Might have been just after I left college actually, come to think of it).



And this is the new haircut I went through so much pain and suffering to achieve.