sheldrake

Because nothing can rouse a person to journal like a British Meme!

1. Marmite- love or hate?

I am a defender of the idea that you can be indifferent to Marmite. I am aware that I'm in a minority. I mean... I *like* it ok. But my feelings aren't strong enough to be called love.

2. Marmalade- thick cut or thin cut?

No.

3. Porridge- made with milk or water?

Half milk, half water.

4. Do you like salt, sugar or honey on your porridge?

Sugar... and honey? DON'T JUDGE ME OK

5. Loose tea or teabags?

Mostly teabags because I am lazy.

6. Where on your door is your letterbox?

In the middle.

7. What's your favourite curry?

I really like a tikka masala, although I feel I ought to apologise for that. I recently sat in a car with with a bunch of people who spent half the journey sneering at tikka masala (and in fact most takeaway food) for being 'non-authentic'. They all thought the curries they cooked at home were much more authentic. They were all white English people. Actually, the most recent curry I had was in a restaurant in Norwich and it was called Beef of Bengal. It was nice, but slightly too hot for me, and I think I'd choose something else next time.

8. What age is the place where you live?

The house was built in, I think 1907? Typical Edwardian terrace, thin walls. I sometimes hear the lady next door sneeze in the night.

9. Where do the folks running your local corner shop come from?

My too closest shops are run by Mr Tesco and Madam Co-op. I've never asked where they're from.

10. Instant or fresh coffee?

Fresh, please. At work I drink a thing that calls itself 'barista-style instant', except when I allow myself a proper coffee from the canteen as a treat. It's only 60p if you take your own mug.

11. How far are you from the sea?

A short train journey. Please can someone buy me a beach hut?

12. Have you travelled via Eurostar?

Twice. I went to Bruges and to Brussels.

13. If you were going to travel abroad, where's the nearest country to you?

The Netherlands. A little bit closer than Wales, but more sea on the way.

14. If you're female (or possible even some males) do you carry a handbag?

I stick to shoulder bags and backpacks.

15. Do you have a garden? What do you like growing?

I have a garden. I like growing bindweed and nettles because apparently I've given up on this year. Next year - that'll be the year! Actually, I had some good strawberries this summer, and the apples are coming on - I like how you don't have to do anything to apples, as such.

16. Full cream, semi skimmed or skimmed?

Some people seem to be taking this question to be about actual cream, but I'm going to assume it means milk, and say semi-skimmed.

17. Which London terminal would you travel into if going to the capital?

Liverpool Street. It's built on an ancient burial ground, you know. I fully expect that to come up as one of Abellio Greater Anglia's excuses for why the train's late one day.

18. Is there a local greasy spoon where you live?

I suppose I'd nominate the Marina Cafe, which declares that it welcomes both high-heels and muddy boots. I'll get round to going in one day.

19. Do you keep Euros in the house?

I think there might be some in an old Stilton pot in the bookcase.

20. Does your home town have a Latin, Gaelic or Welsh alternative name?

Stealing this straight from a previous answerer: 'No – but it has a Saxon name, Gippeswyk.'

21. Do you have a well known local artist or author?

I shall pick an artist - Maggi Hambling. Almost every photo of her features her scowling while holding a disintegrating cigarette. Her Wikipedia entry describes her as "openly 'lesbionic' (her adjective". Please look her up on Google images if you're not aware of her - you won't regret it.

22. Do you have a favourite Corrie character?

I have never watched an episode.

23. Are your kitchen sink taps separate or a mixer?

Mixer.

24. Do you have a favourite brand of blended tea?

No. Is this a thing many people have?

25. What's in your attic if you have one?

Loft. I have no idea what's up there, but it's probably frightening.

26. If you go out for a cream tea, what jam do you like on your scone?

Happy with any, really, as long as it's not marmalade.

27. Talking of scones- scon or scown? Jam or cream first?

To quote Richard Herring: it's definitely pronounced 'scone'. Jam first.

28. Barth or bath?

aaahhh

29. Carstle or castle?

aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh


30. What flavour of crisps do you favour?

SALT AND VINEGAR SALT AND VINEGAR

31. If you go to the chippie, what do you like with your chips?

SALT AND VINEGAR SALT AND VINEGAR

32. Take away, take out or carry out?

See the curry answer.

33. If you have one, what colour is your wheelie bin?

Black for landfill, blue for recycling, brown to sit in the garden and slowly fill with rainwater.

34. What colour skips does your local skip hire use?

I've never hired one, but I assume it would be yellow.

35. Do you celebrate Guy Fawkes?

Not since the days when we all stood in Grandma's back garden with our sparklers. Grown-ups running back down the lawn with a lit taper... *wipes away a nostalgic tear*

(Taper, not tapir, that would have made for a very different evening.)

36. Dettol or TCP?

I never use either. Should I?

37. Do you have a bidet in the bathroom?

No.

38. Do you prefer courgettes or aubergines?

I enjoy both.

39. In the 'real world' Do you have friends of other nationalities? Which nationalities?

Yes. Do you want me to name them all now? I suppose the person of another nationality I see most often is the person I sit next to at work, who is Greek. She makes me laugh almost every day. Not today though, as she is currently in Greece. Inconsiderate.

40. Do you have a holy book of any sort in the house?

I've got The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, I've got the Bible, I've got the Ikea catalogue. I'm sorted.

41. Do you prefer a hankie or tissues?

Tissues. Does anyone really have hankies now? I used to carry one as a child because I read a lot of books about Edwardian children and I very badly wanted to be one.

42. Are you a fan of crumpets? What do you like on them?

YES. I like butter or honey or jam.

43. Doorbell, knocker or both?

No knocker and the doorbell doesn't work. I've covered it with a bit of paper which appears to have been partially eaten by something. I need to sort my life out.

44. Do you own a car? What sort?

No.

45. What sort of pants do you guys prefer? Y fronts or boxers?

I've asked the guys. What do you say guys? They say could I please let them out of the cupboard under the stairs, they've been in there for weeks now and they're hungry. Which isn't even a proper answer! Honestly! Useless.

46. Anyone still a fan of suspenders?

What an odd question. I suppose some people are.

47. Do you have a favourite quote from the bard?

Which bard is this? I'm going with no, so I don't have to look one up.

48. Do you like toasted muffins?

Yes.

49. Do you think a traditional trifle should contain jelly?

That's how we always made it. So yes.

50. Do you attend regular religious worship? Of what kind?

No, mate. Not unless you count the Bake Off.